Summary
You’ve dated a lot since your divorce, experimented sexually, learned what you enjoy, emotionally and physically in a relationship. Now, you’ve met someone who’s given you something you missed..true intimacy. Are you ready to open yourself up to that and all that comes with it, including responsibility and the possibility of being hurt?
Tags
[F4M] [commitment] [intimacy in a relationship] [missionary] [face to face] [intimate sex] [relationship after divorce]
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Script
No, I’m full. Yeah go ahead and have that last egg roll.
Yum…nothing like Chinese take out on a Friday night, sitting on the floor in front of the TV, with your bud by your side!
Stop laughing, yes I know my ‘chopstick’ technique needs work!
But I’m getting better! Look at my shirt…see?
No drips, drops or dribbles. Thank you very much!!
And thank you for picking up the food and being okay with just hanging tonight.
It’s been a hard week at work. I really didn’t feel like going out. It felt SOOO good to just come home, take off the bra, kick off the high heels, get into sweats.
It’s nice (pause) …it’s nice that we’re past the point that we don’t feel we need ‘do something’, you know what I mean?
I mean…you’re cool with eating Chinese on the floor, me in sweats, hair in a ponytail and..(mockingly) Oh my gosh..no makeup?
Great!
What did you want to watch tonight? (pause)
Well…I’ve missed all of the final season of Westworld.
I guess we could binge watch that ..(giggles) although after all that food, I’m not sure I can handle anything that includes the word ‘binge’!
What? You’re going to let me choose? Wooow, say that again, you’re even cool if I pick a rom-com?
(mockingly/jokingly) Are you feeling okay? Let me touch your forehead…no fever…maybe too much MSG in the fried rice got you light headed? (laughs).
(pause) well, siiince you brought up romantic comedy (pause)
(sigh) I’ve been wanting to…to talk to you about something.
No, no, oh gosh, that worried look on your face! (giggles)
No, I am not dumping you! It’s not bad..it’s good, really…
I mean, I think it’s good, I think, it’s good for me…
Here…put your chopsticks down, come sit by me on the floor
Yeah, lean against the couch. There we go..
Ok.. (deep breath)
So…I’ve told you bits about my past, my marriage, how it ended.
That I was really quite inexperienced before I got married, in general, about relationships, dating, love…what that even was.
You could say inexperienced about LIFE. I ‘thought’ I was in love with my husband. And sure, in many ways I was, at first.
He checked all the boxes that my parents and friends said were supposed to be checked
He was smart, good job, well-mannered, easy going. He didn’t have a temper, never hurt me, never even raised a hand, so he never abused me in that sense.
But I think psychological abuse can be far worse than physical. And the worst thing you can do to someone psychologically, especially to someone you’re supposed to share your life and deepest feelings with…is be indifferent. (pause)
How you do’in? You’re okay so far? I can continue?
Great…thank you.
Oh, you’re taking my hands in yours. Yes, I’m good with that! I like that very much.
Well, I’ve never really said much about my dating, my relationships after my divorce. And I’ve got to give you credit, you’ve never pried, asked, and that meant…MEANS a lot to me.
Honestly, I’ve not wanted to share much of my experiences after divorce. And not because I didn’t trust you, I think I didn’t want it to cloud or influence how our relationship developed.
The fact is, after my divorce, I was a bit of a wild child. I definitely made up for that strict upbringing of mine and lack of experiences, like there was no tomorrow.
I swore I was not going to let anyone be ‘indifferent’ to me again. Love me, or hate me, either way, but not indifferent.
We can talk about details another time, but the point is, I was hungry to experience things, life, men, different types of men, personality wise and physically, and sexually.
There were Type A ‘CEO’ personalities, shy nerdy types, guys with great physiques, guys with ‘dad bods’. Good lovers, and not so good lovers (chuckle)
And I learned a lot sexually, about myself, what I liked, didn’t like, what I want from a man…(giggles) and a woman..or even both together. Yeah, you heard me!
After all that, all that I thought I learned from those experiences…
Well…since we’ve been together, I learned something with you I didn’t know before, didn’t know about myself, that I didn’t know I needed. (deep sigh)
My whole life, till now, through marriage, after marriage, all the experiences and relationships I’ve had since…what I was missing
(pause) and I’m not even sure this word covers it but it’s the closest I can think of…
Intimacy.
Wheew! Ok, that was tough…but I said it.
Intimacy. Emotional intimacy, physical intimacy.
I certainly didn’t have it in marriage. I thought I truly had it in some of my relationships afterwards, but it either was false…no wait, that’s not fair, it was there at times, with a few guys… and a gal.
But if I’m really honest with myself now, in hindsight, I wasn’t ready to really open myself up to intimacy, deep intimacy.
I think I tried to convince myself that sexual freedom, freedom to date anyone I wanted, when I wanted, was enough, even equivalent to being fulfilled, sexually or emotionally.
But I realize now, it’s not, at least not for the long term.
What brief moments in the past I might have felt that, it wasn’t to the depth I feel with you. I mean when we get together, it’s so comfortable.. it’s like…like…like slipping into an old pair of your favorite jeans!! (laughing)
Sorry, that was corny!
How about…it’s like having breakfast food late at night..it feels so right and tastes sooo good!
I’ve gone off the rails, haven’t I? I know, I use humor as a shield…which wouldn’t be so bad if I weren’t so corny!!
Oh, how do I recover?!!
What? Give you some examples of intimacy between us.
Uh…thank you for giving me a way to gracefully recover there!!
Let’s see..
Soo, physical intimacy. let’s start there..do I mean sex? Not necessarily..
What do I mean? Hmmm what DO I mean?
So, you are a fantastic lover. Seriously, you pleasure me like no other I’ve been with before. You sense without me having to tell you what I need on any particular day, mood I’m in, or even one moment to the next, while we’re fucking.
You know when I need you to be slow and gentle, or rough and hard, or when I need to be rough and hard, and you know to just lay back and let me run the show.
And you can make me come so easily, any time, almost on command!
Buuuttttt…you know what? (whispers, up close to the ear) So can my Hitachi, yeah, it can make me come anytime I want too.
And it never gets tired, or gets moody. It’s always available, it never says “Not now, I’m almost past level 27!!!”
All that but my Hitachi can’t hold a flame to you. Nope, you know why?
My Hitachi doesn’t hold me when I’ve had a really bad day at work and I just need someone to listen to me bitch. You’re there to hold me and listen.
It won’t encourage me to try again, when I screw up, and say it’s okay.
Or tell me how worthwhile I am. You’re there to tell me to ‘try again’.
And you tell me ‘Great job’, when I try something and nail it.
Hmmm, what else won’t my Hitachi do?
Well, the times you ran to the store in the middle of the night to get me tampons when my “Aunt Flow” came to visit unexpectedly.
No snarky comments, or trying to make me feel embarrassed, or getting me to plead with you. You just said “What brand and size” and off you went.
Stuff like that means a lot to a girl, believe me!
There were guys I dated that would not have done that. Or would use it as a way to have power over me because I was in a vulnerable position.
Or the few that might, I think they would because they felt it was what they were supposed to do, you know, as the ‘sensitive, caring boyfriend’, air quotes!
But … they didn’t have that look of sincerity like you do, of real concern for me, of wanting to help, to be there FOR ME.
(pause) I look into your eyes sometimes, and I can see you care so much, it almost makes you hurt. And that’s REALLY new for me. I’ve not felt that before with anyone else until now.
You’re blushing!!! You are so adorable!
Wow..you know, my tea leaves and tarots didn’t see you coming at all.
Or maybe they did and I just didn’t read it correctly.
But if I were to read my tarot cards RIGHT now, I know they would tell me that I need to hold on to you.
I guess what I mean..I need to stop looking elsewhere for ‘new’ experiences, emotionally, sexually.
I want those new experiences, discoveries, to be with you now. At this point, who I experience them with is more important.
I need to see how this plays out between us, give it TIME to play out and see what happens.
(softly, almost a whisper) And I’m hoping you feel the same…
I know. It’s a lot to take in!
What was that?
Yeah I played a little ‘hard to get’ at the beginning…that’s all part of the game right?
I had to make you work for it dude. But I was worth it, right?
(pause)
Uh…that was your cue, buddy. Uh huh, when the girl says ‘I was worth it’, that’s the cue for the guy to reply with some endearing, romantic reply in agreement, or something witty…yeah, witty…ok, so in your case I’d accep—
(he kisses her suddenly, a long kiss, soft at first, but increasing in intensity, her moans getting louder/insistent)
Wow! Yeah, witty would have been nice…but um this is good too. Definitely better.
(kissing)
So, all this talk about emotional and physical intimacy. Talk to me.
(jokingly) Are you ready to run to the hills, screaming!
(kissing)
I think I have my answer. You’ve got that look in your eyes that I was talking about, right now….
Make love to me…right here.
Make love to me. Show me what you’re feeling when you look at me that way.
(kissing, removing clothes)
I love foreplay, but I just want you inside me now.
How do I want you?
I want old fashioned, you on top, face to face. I want to feel your body on me, moving down into me. PUSHING down into me.
Yes, I want to look in your eyes…
(laugh) I know that’s corny! You should be used to that by now.
But right now, I don’t care if I sound like a script from a bad rom-com.
(serious tone) Let me hold your face.
I want to watch your expression as you part my legs, as you enter me.
Lift up my knees…spread me open for you.
It’s okay, I’m ready, I’m good, I’ve been ready all evening, you can enter me whenever yo…
(he suddenly enters her)
Ahhhh…Ohhh…ummmm…yes, just like that.
Umm..grab that cushion, put it under my ass.
So deep that way! Fuck, you’re stretching me…
You’ll get your chance to pound the fuck out of me later, trust me!
Right now, keep your eyes on me, and make love to me.
(improvise intimate sex, building towards climax for both)
You don’t need to hold back babe, I’m already there. Come when you want!
Yes! Look at me! Fill me!
(aftercare)
I’m good….you okay? Yeah?
Yeah, I think we knocked over the kung pao chicken. Fuck it, we’ll clean it up later!!
“Journeys end in lovers meeting”
Oh, it’s just a line I remember from English Lit class in college. I think it’s Shakespeare..
It just popped into my head..maybe it just fits how I feel right now.
“Journeys end in lovers meeting”
Yes, that sounds just about right. Perfect.
Don’t pull out, just lay with me. Be with me…
That’s all I need right now…
Just you…
